That date kind of rocked. I’ve been doing the postmortem analysis with several friends, and based on their enthusiastic responses, I think I kinda nailed it. I was funny, relaxed, and the best parts of myself got to come out and shine — the sports-loving, world-traveling, smart chica was in full effect. And we totally talked about most of the things (politics, religion) you don’t usually talk about on the first date. Actually, this was one of my first dates in a while that felt like a conversation rather than a job interview.
So many first dates feel like a job interview. Honestly sometimes I think they should go like this:
Guy: “So you’re auditioning for the part of my girlfriend. What strengths do you bring to the table?”
Girl: “Well, I cook a mean chili, can talk sports like nobody’s business, and I’ve been told I’m good in bed.”
Guy: “Any skeletons in the closet I should know about?”
And so on. This — this felt different.
I was a bit early, walking down the street admiring the view, when I see this cute bald man with a chiseled jaw walking toward me. Like seriously — he looked like bald Superman. I kinda jumped a little bit. I didn’t expect him to be a little early too!
“I guess I’m in the right place,” I said, laughing.
“Yes you are.”
“I’m Elsie” — but before I have that out he’s giving me a hug.
“I know. Of course you are.”
The hello hug kinda threw me off. I mean, I don’t usually hug people right off the bat. But I thought “OK. I’m being hugged by a really cute guy with a chiseled jaw who looks like bald Superman. So I’m gonna go with it.”
We walked into the pub, which was one of those awesome classic Irish pubs. There were soccer scarves everywhere. I immediately fell in love with the place. We sat down and the waitress brought us some menus. He said he’d already eaten lunch, and thankfully I’d had a snack bar right before — since 1 PM is kinda one of those ambiguous times and I didn’t want to order lunch and be rude. But this did mean that I drank a beer on what was essentially an empty stomach. Which honestly is probably why instead of being nervous, I was awesome.
Him? He was nervous at first. It felt like he hadn’t been on a date in a little while. We started talking about running, and he kinda came off a bit pretentious when he said that he was really athletic in elementary school and always came in first in all the races. Come on, dude.
And then the beer came and he stopped trying so hard.
We talked about my job working in college access. I mentioned I was hired because of my ability to work a room and also because I’m not afraid to ask anybody for anything — two great skills to have when doing outreach work. He talked about his passion for working in immigration law. It was really neat talking to somebody with a passion for his work. I mentioned that I had brought my sports paraphernalia into the office yesterday so everyone knew who the office sports nut was, and he perked up a bit.
Ben: “Wait, I know you’re a big soccer fan, but you like other sports too? Which ones?”
Me: “Pretty much all of them.”
Ben: “All of them. Really?”
Me: “If it has a ball, I probably like it.”
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I really did say that on a first date.
We started talking about the Seahawks and how I almost threw things at the TV during the last game. I mean, they were playing the Buccaneers! Beating a team that doesn’t have a win should not go into overtime!
Since we were in a soccer bar, we started talking about the previous Thursday’s Sounders game, and I was basically critiquing everything about Sigi’s approach to soccer. The guy next to us came over and joined in on the conversation. I was getting pretty animated, explaining that I never wanted to see Shalrie Joseph in a Sounders uniform again (and why the HELL was he starting at FORWARD in a playoff game for fuck’s sake?) Although I couldn’t see Ben, I could tell he was really digging Sports Elsie. And then the stranger turns to Ben and out of the blue says:
“You should listen to this woman. She knows what she’s talking about.”
I then got to explain to Ben how that would often happen to me when I was watching the World Cup at an Italian soccer bar in 2010. When the guys would start chatting about scenarios and tactics, the bar owner would go “Where’s Elsie? That woman knows her soccer. You guys should listen to her.”
Ben turns to me and asks: “So are a lot of your friends as sporty as you? Like your female friends too?”
Me: “I have a lot of soccer-loving female friends, but with football and baseball it’s just me and Ash.”
Ben: “And your guy friends?”
Me: “Oh I can hold my own with all of them.”
We talked a lot about travel — where I’d been and where he’d been. He asked me about Eastern Europe and I warned him that my brother tells me when I’m asked about Eastern Europe I tend to word vomit and go on way too long. He laughed. And then that became a thing for both of us throughout the rest of the date “well, I want to talk about it but I might go on too long.” And then the other one would go “that’s okay” and the initial person talking would go on with the topic of conversation.
After about an hour in the bar, he suggested we go for a walk. I said “sure!” So we walked around the neighborhood for about another hour. We went and looked at this pond where there were ducks, and he mentioned he’d heard that ducks were monogamous. So we talked about different animals that were or were not monogamous. (I don’t think ducks are monogamous.) That then turned into a conversation about how in every species it seems like there’s one gender that has the flashy showy colors to compete for mates.
Him: “In Eastern Europe, it was the women — you said that they all wear high heels and have bottle blond hair.”
Me: “Yes, I think with humans women dress up more to impress.”
Him: “We men. We just talk big and show off to get women.”
Me: (Laughs) “Yup.”
Politics came in when we started talking about gay marriage and it was clear we were both on the same page. I mentioned that maybe it’s romantic of me, but I can’t help thinking that every time a state votes to legalize gay marriage, love is winning. He agreed, and talked about some work he was doing on behalf of a same-sex couple where one is a foreign national trying to stay in the US.
Religion came up when we were passing a church and we started talking about how it’s hard to argue with someone when the last word is the Bible. I mentioned that while I do believe in God, largely because the idea of being alone seems rather lonely, I also said that I believe quite strongly in freedom of and freedom from religion and that it’s not my place to push my beliefs on anyone else. What I believe is right for me, and might not necessarily be right for someone else. He agreed, and then added that there were a few things that could be dealbreakers:
“Like what if you’re raising kids and the issue of physical violence comes up? There are moral and ethical dealbreakers for me.”
I said that I thought of myself as a rational, reasonable person and that a solution is always available via conversation. And then I joked that if my partner were to bring up the Bible as a bottom line, I’d be outta there pretty fast. I also joked that we’d talked about the things you’re not supposed to talk about on a first date. He laughed. I asked what other things you’re not supposed to talk about.
Ben: “Sex, past relationships, stupid things you’ve done in the past.” He looks at me and winks “I have none, by the way.” I started laughing, and thought about it “oh, I do.” And then he said “yeah, I do too. We all do.”
The ending exchange was pretty funny too. I think it could go either way:
Me: “That was fun. Let me know if you’d like to do it again. I think you have my number?” (we set up date entirely online)
Ben: “Oh I have ways of contacting you.” (Said in a serious tone)
Me: “That sounded rather sinister.” And then we both started laughing.
So like I said. I think I nailed it. I was funny, warm, sporty, and my incredibly opinionated self. He was cute, funny, asked me really thought-provoking questions, and honestly probably wouldn’t have gone out on a walk with me post-beer if he wasn’t having a good time.
I think I’ll hear from him again. What do y’all think?
Love is a Battlefield 